Happy Birthday, America!

I met this French guy today and asked him if he spoke German. He said no. I said "You're welcome!"

— Matt Guyer via Twitter

Happy birthday, America!

Wrinkly hands… but the raft awaits!

Kian swimming

Summer weekends mean swimming at Grandma & Grandpa’s house. Kian has been getting a little more brave this summer because he can touch the bottom a good four feet out in the shallow end. Still, jumping off the diving board onto a raft takes a moment of pondering before he finally leaps off.

Ann Coulter is worthless, and so is soccer

Ann Coulter hates soccer
I know I’m supposed to hate this incredibly stupid, out-of-touch, worthless piece of shit, cluster of humanity known as Ann Coulter. And I promise you that I absolutely do. With every fiber of my being. But…

After reading her utterly worthless screed about how stupidly, worthlessly, worthless and stupid the sport of soccer is, I found myself having a difficult time disagreeing with the basics of her argument. Almost every point she made is true. No, really. I’m being totally serious.

I guess we do hate soccer. But we’re American, so we love soccer when our team is winning. Or something like that.

In any case, nothing has changed. We still aren’t going to care about soccer, or Ann Coulter. Soccer is boring, and Ann Coulter is a stupid, worthlessly worthless, stupid piece of shit. Some things will never change.

Is CNN that desperate, or are we that easily entertained?

Kim Kardashian's baby earrings

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are catching a lot of Twitter heat for sharing a photo of their baby, North West, sporting an earring. It was reported on CNN. I’m sorry, were you waiting to hear more of the story? There isn’t more. That’s the entire story. And it appeared on CN-freaking-N!

Yep. We have Iraq on the doorstep of war, the NSA reading the tags on our underwear from satellites in outer space, and a government spending 4-times more than they take in. But the lead story yesterday in my CNN feed was that Kim Kardashian had her 1-year-old daughter’s ear pierced. Good grief.

Let’s forget about the fact that it’s nobody’s god damned business what she does with her daughter. North West is a girl. Girls get their ear piercings at an early age. In fact, many cultures get them pierced before they leave the hospital at birth. But again, it’s nobody’s business. One celebrity stalking pundit actually called the baby ugly. Can you believe that? And let’s forget the fact that this is yet another Kardashian story – which most of the air-breathing lifeforms on the planet are sick and tired of.

The larger problem here is that this “story” appeared on CNN. Not TMZ, not E!, not DailyDot, not even Buzzfeed. CNN.

Think about that. CNN is so desperate for click revenue that they’re resorting to “Kardashbait” headlines.

Why did I write this? I find it sad that the most “trusted source” of news on the planet has resorted to click bait articles. More precisely, I find it sad that they MUST resort to click bait articles for income. And I also find it truly pathetic that so many people made it their business to decide what is socially acceptable with regard to Kim’s fashion choice for her daughter. “Dangerous, abusive, pathetic.” Those are just some of the words used to describe ear-pierce-gate. Really? Abusive? This entire situation just amazes me. It’s a freaking ear-piercing.

In a related note, is there any photographic evidence that proves Kanye West has ever smiled in his entire life?